He exhales built up carbon dioxide sucked in only a moment earlier as his legs pump furiously. Out of the saddle, The Chimp swings his bike side to side, sweat pouring freely from his open pores.
He glistens in the sun. His zipper softly pitter-patters against his left glute as it waves in the wind The Chimp creates with his forward propulsion. The Chimp continues to climb, his only solace the descent past the summit. He toils until finally - the peak is within sight.
Surging one last time, The Chimp thrusts his machine forward and perches himself atop the saddle only he can call his own. Moulded to his bottom, it welcomes his touchdown - soft and masterful - he's been here tens of thousands of times before.
Reaching down, The Chimp's hand closes around his bidon. He brings the bidon to his lips in a spectacular show of finesse. He squeezes the bidon and enjoys a once-ice-cold stream of water. It is the most delicious thing to have ever touched his lips. The Chimp smiles wryly as he zips up his jersey and prepares to descend.
Bidons are made by Specialized and are of the Purist variety. 22 oz. for maximum amateur professionalism.
Bidons will be sent priority mail, unless otherwise requested. Free pickup/meetup in NYC recommended.